As of August of 2008, I was finally approved for disability and my payments will begin soon. I was asked to have a payee and am lucky enough to have a good friend who agreed to take on that responsibility. You do find out who your true friends are at the most opportune moments! I know many changes will happen in my life...some of them frustrating and confusing..but mostly for the good. I actually think I will be better off than I have ever been in my life! Besides that, changes are something I've become ALL too accustomed to.
The one thing that keeps changing though, is my diagnosis~Doctors simply cannot decide what exactly it is that I have! I understand because my symptoms can point to many things, so for now, I guess I will have to go along with the ones Social Security has given me....Fibromyalgia, Severe Depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Chronic Pain Syndrome. I guess it really doesn't matter what name it has....The symptoms exist every day !
I try very hard to keep a smile on my face, remain as positive as I can for my sons. Neither of them complain and somehow still manage to worry about ME!! My youngest still rarely asks for anything and if he wants something, he saves the money he gets for birthdays, etc for it. He recently got his disability payment and what did he buy? A few video games and movies. He doesn't think it's any big deal to let me use a bit of his $$ to get things needed around home or to pay for a few bills until my own payments begin! He helps around the home...not w/o complaints mind you..he STILL is a teen!...but he generally is so good natured and happy, I cannot believe my luck as far as sons are concerned. His older brother is exactly the same...both being glad they were raised by me and in a non material world. Do you know how much I wish I could have raised them WITH those little things? But I'm glad they know unconditional love, if not anything else.
My oldest calls all the time wondering how I am, despite any troubles he may have. He even wants to go into physical therapy so he can take care of me!! So, I am so thankful I can give him something he so deserves...a trip home for Christmas!! He says he doesn't want me to do it, cause I need the money so much but little does he understand how much of a gift it will be for ME and his brother!
Many of the things I've written of earlier are still the same...I don't work outside the home, I still haven't taken up photography, I don't have a car and my assistance still consists of housing and food stamps. I know I will have higher bills after my disability pmt's come in, and more than likely my food stamps will be cut. BUT I do believe I will almost like having to take care of most of these things without the additional help. It will be the first time in a very long time I feel almost 'normal'!
Don't get me wrong...life is and will be frustrating still. Having additional funds coming in will not change my health or the new and old symptoms that come along with it. Tears will still flow freely from time to time. I will still feel 'stranded', alone, and frustrated from time to time. Yet, I still must keep positive thoughts going thru my mind and in my life. If I do so, positive things cannot help coming into my world and the prayers I hold for others will have that much more of a positive outcome.
So, if you need an ear, someone to talk to, or even just a place to gripe and get those feelings out....please don't hesitate to write. It may take me a minute but I will do my best to help out in whatever way I can.
